Can and Cannot Control
“I Got This…or Do I?”
“Maybe the essence of life isn’t about hoping for no rain, but learning to dance in it” – Larisa Madison
Imagine this…
It’s Saturday afternoon and your daughter is getting married in a few hours to the love of her life. The venue sits atop a beautiful vineyard overlooking the ocean. After months of praying, wishing, and hoping that the weather is perfect, you unwillingly notice dark rain clouds coming in. To validate the certainty of those ominous and wedding-ruining clouds, the weather app says there is a 100% chance of rain that will start late afternoon and continue into tomorrow morning.
How do you react to this situation? What are you thinking? I’m sure anger, frustration, disappointment, and maybe some tears comes to mind.
Is this the ideal situation? Absolutely not.
Does rain put a damper on the wedding? It definitely can.
Can you, personally, control or change what Mother Nature will do? Not a chance.
What do you have complete control over? – Yourself.
While we have little control over what happens around or to us, we have total control over ourselves and the way we respond, act, and think in any and all situations. Trying to change something that we have no control often results in unnecessary frustration, disappointment, and suffering. It stems from not being able to accept the things or circumstances that we can’t control. When we look at it this way, it’s actually quite simple: we should be focusing our time and energy on the parts of our lives that we can control and accept the ones that we can’t.
So, what can we control and what can’t we control? Take a look at the table below:
I CAN’T CONTROL…
The Weather
Traffic
My family/where I came from
My height
Skin color
Aging
The economy
The past
Change itself
Other people’s words
Other people’s lives
Other people’s actions
Other people’s thoughts
I CAN CONTROL…
My attitude
My thoughts and self-talk
How I respond to situations
My perspective
My actions and behaviors
My decisions and choices
My health and wellness
My habits
From looking at this table, it becomes obvious that the only aspects of life that we have complete control over are internal while we have little to no control over what is external. We are inevitably going to experience situations that aren’t ideal, situations that we wish would have happened differently or not at all – this is life. When we find ourselves in these uncontrollable situations, the best things we can do is make peace with reality and choose how we handle ourselves. And that is where our true power lies.
The Benefits
When we focus on bettering ourselves by responding differently, letting go, and accepting the unchangeable, we will experience a multitude of benefits including…
Less Worrying: When we let go of what we can’t control, we’ll focus on what we can, reducing our need to change what we don’t want to happen.
Feel Lighter: When we accept the uncontrollable, the uncertainties of life become less scary and as a result, allow life to be more of an exciting adventure.
Energy to Focus Elsewhere: When we’re not focused on controlling external circumstances, we have the opportunity to focus on how we respond to situations, ultimately improving and bettering ourselves.
How to Do It…
So, we now know what we can and cannot control and/or change and we know the benefits. But, how do we actually implement it on a daily basis?
Become Self Aware: In the midst of a situation that you want to change or control, become aware of what’s going on inside of you. What are you thinking? What are the reasons you want to control it? How do you feel as a result?
Take Action: After becoming self-aware and exploring your own feelings, think about the situation itself. What about the situation can you actually control or change? Are there any aspects that you can influence or impact? If so, take action! What can you, personally, do to handle the situation better? How can you change your perspective, thoughts, or responses towards what is happening? Take internal action and focus on improving yourself.
Have Faith: Letting go of control and accepting what you cannot change is essentially an act of faith. Having faith will give you confidence that whatever you are going through is leading you to where you’re meant to go. It will provide certainty in the midst of the uncertainty.
Being able to distinguish what we can and cannot control and choosing how we respond to what happens is a main contributor to living a peaceful life. You are the only one you have control over – start with the “man in the mirror”.